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We’ve Got Issues
“Selfishness Issues”
Carl Nichols

In Roman culture, marriage and relationships were often about:
- Advantage
- Legacy
- Control
- Not mutual sacrifice

The Gospel dismantles selfishness.

Romans 12:9–10
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

1. LOVE MUST BE SINCERE.


Selfishness “performs love” to get something.
Selflessness “gives love” because it’s right.

In Rome, people loved strategically, Paul says love sincerely.

Sincere love chooses the good of the other even when there’s no return.

Selfishness asks: What is in it for me?
Love asks: What strengthens us?

2. HATE WHAT IS EVIL; CLING TO WHAT IS GOOD.


GREEK: apostygountes - to detest, utterly hate, have a horror of.

Do not tolerate what corrodes relationships.

Things to hate in marriage:

  • scorekeeping

  • silent treatment

  • control

  • withdrawal

  • resentment

  • rejection

  • Unforgiveness


Healthy marriages don’t excuse these, they reject them.

GREEK: kollōmenoi - to glue, to glue together, cement, fasten together


Things to glue yourself to in marriage:

  • patience

  • kindness

  • forgiveness

  • gentleness

  • generosity

3. BE DEVOTED TO ONE ANOTHER IN LOVE.


Devotion is a covenant language, not romance or chemistry.


Marriage survives not on passion, but on commitment.

Romance starts a marriage; devotion sustains it.

4. HONOR ONE ANOTHER ABOVE YOURSELVES.


GREEK: Timē - assign value, honor, or price

Proēgoumenoi - go before and show the way, go before and lead

Selfishness protects ego. Honor protects covenant.

Selfishness waits. Love initiates.

The greatest marriages are the ones that try to out serve one another.

Ten Ways to Serve Your Spouse This Week:

1. Pray over them out loud - James 5:16b

2. Go first in apologizing - Romans 12:18

3. Find ways to say yes - Ephesians 5:21

4. Serve without being asked - Galatians 5:13

5. Show affection freely - 1 Corinthians 7:3

6. Outdo them in honor - Romans 12:10

7. Compliment and encourage them daily - Ephesians 4:29

8. Plan something they enjoy  - Philippians 2:4

9. Remove one stressor from their life - Galatians 6:2

10. Ask one deep question and actually listen - Romans 12:15