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NOTES

We’ve Got Issues
“Communication Issues”
Carl Nichols

Romans 12:3-5
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Most marriage communication problems are not love problems, they’re assumption problems.

We assume:
My tone is normal
My pace is normal
My emotional response is normal
My way of handling conflict is normal

The Real Issues Behind Our Communication Issues:
1. Pride assumes “My way is the right way”.

Romans 12:3
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you...

Immature love asks: Why are you like this?
Mature love responds: Help me understand.

The Real Issues Behind Our Communication Issues:

2. Difference feels like disrespect.

Romans 12:4–5
4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

1 Peter 3:7
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Your spouse isn’t wrong because they communicate differently. They are different.

The Real Issues Behind Our Communication Issues:
3. Silence isn’t peace.

Ephesians 4:15
15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Avoiding hard conversations doesn’t create unity. It creates distance.
Healthy marriages don’t eliminate conflict, they create safety for truth.

The Real Issues Behind Our Communication Issues:
4. Tone can damage love faster than content.

Romans 12:9
12 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 

Ephesians 4:29–32
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Saying the right thing in the wrong way is still the wrong thing.
Strong marriages aren’t built on louder voices, but deeper understanding.

HOMEWORK: Seven Questions To Ask Your Spouse This Week
Find a time and take 15-20 minutes to walk through these questions together.

1. What’s bringing you the most joy right now?

2. Is there anything you need or want more of from me?

3. What have I done that has pushed you away or caused distance this week?

4. When have you felt most loved from me this week?

5. What did you do this week that you are proud of?

6. What are some fun things you’d like to do in the next few months?

7. Is there anything stressing you out that I can help you with or pray for you about?